I used to catch other people’s changes well from I was young. “Today, this friend is dressed in pretty clothes, unlike usual. That friend changed her hairstyle.” I talked to myself and guessed something good must have happened to them. When someone who usually didn’t speak much greeted them brightly and chated, I started to think something changed inside her. It was fun to watch others’ changes. I also had a desire to change into a better being. I wasn’t sure what it was like yet, but challenges for a better existence were always exciting. Maybe that was when I had already started the journey to find my true self.
In my early 20s, I came across the book “Hope for Flowers” written by Trina Paulus. For me, who wanted to live a better life, this book told me the story of people living diligently for success. He felt excited that the pillar would be something he was looking for. Then Stripe met Yellow, and they came down from the pillar and lived together happily. But eventually, Stripe went back to the pillar without Yellow. When he climbed up hard and almost reached the top, he was frustrated that the tower he was climbing was not the only one, but just one of the thousands. I gasped at the point. “Does it mean that even if I live hard, the end is full of futility? What does being a butterfly mean to my life?” I couldn’t understand everything the author tried to say.
When I meditated as I got older, I understood this book in my way. I realized this story resembles the journey to find true me. We sometimes think that there must be more to life than this while living. However, we are obsessed with daily life and don’t put much time into it.
In the book, Yellow asked the caterpillar who was making the cocoon.
“How does one become a butterfly?”
“You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar, ” he answered.
I think we must be desperate enough to give up my life to discover true me, just like he said. Abandoning my life means that we clear away all about me and even the roots of the deep unconsciousness. It’s giving up on me. Letting go of everything about myself recognized by the people and shown to the world—putting everything down and submitting to the dark uncertainty of the cacoon. It is the real revolution, not a tiny trivial change. Like the transformation from caterpillar to butterfly, it is a fundamental transformation from false self to true self. Cocoon is a transition stage that becomes a butterfly, not dying forever. Caterpillar can become a butterfly only when the caterpillar disappears.
Everyone has a hope to discover their true self. Anyone can change. All you need is faith and conviction that transforms into butterflies. It is because we all already have butterflies inside. That’s why you have to make a cocoon and endure that dark and uncertain time. You don’t lose anything even if you throw them away. If you throw them all away, you can find your true self. That’s the way I think you can find your true self and live a real life. I appreciate you read my writing. 🌼🌺☘🍁
