I woke up in a white room sleeping on a mattress. Big windows were in front of me with bars over them. It was a beautiful day outside and light streamed in.
I didn’t know where I was, but I felt so much better than before. It was the best sleep I had in 2 months. I looked around the room and opened the door.
I walked out into a corridor. I saw people dressed in blue clothes. A friendly nurse came and met me and guided me into a kitchen. I was taking in the surroundings. I was seated and given cornflakes and milk for breakfast.
I was inside the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) at the hospital. I looked around and saw patients between their 20s to 60s. There were just as many staff as patients.
I went back to my room, put on my blue clothes and became a patient.
A few days passed and I had my first official meeting with the doctor. My parents came and met me for the first time since I had been in hospital.
I remember the nurse saying:
“At first we thought David had schizophrenia”
My mum cried out.
“But we have diagnosed him with Bipolar Disorder”.
I had just experienced my first episode and I had been put into ICU after a couple of weeks on a psychotic high. I felt safe inside the walls of the ICU. It was a safe place from the scary world outside.
I had become so delusional prior coming into the ICU.
I believed a complete stranger on the street knew everything about me. My history, my secrets, what primary school I went to…everything. I was paranoid. I thought the whole world was watching me. I was so tired because I had hardly slept in weeks, but at the same time I was super-charged from my manic high.
I had begun to believe the world was split into two groups of people, “The Elites” and the remaining “masses”. I deemed myself as an “Elite”. The Elites made up 1% of the world’s population. They were the top superior and above the masses. The remaining people were like animals. I believed The Elites could communicate in their own language, which only a few of us could understand.
I was truly nuts.
I was also going to work in this state, until one day my manager sent me home.
8 years later…
I was walking along the beach one day when I met my friend.
“I started a new meditation”
“It is so good! You can flush out all the shit from your mind”
My search for a remedy was over.
I started the method of throwing away the life lived.
The human mind is made of karma, which is the life lived, habits, which are inherited from one’s ancestors and the body. When you completely discard the karma, habits and body, Truth is within you and the Land of Truth is within you.
I haven’t had an episode for 7 years now. There are no doctor’s visits, blood tests, psychologists or mental health mentors anymore. I am no longer in the mental health system.
My depression and anxiety have disappeared.
I feel like I’m completely outside of that life.
The method heals
My doctors always said that bipolar is hereditary, that it is in the genes, inherited and passed down from previous generations, from the grandmother, great-grandfather, and before. I learnt through meditation that the habits we inherit from our ancestors hold a lot of minds that give rise to delusional thoughts. I found out the cause of my bipolar.
It’s coming from my habits and the karma I made while living. Once the habits are eliminated there is great peace inside. It is truly awesome.
Looking back, I can see that before my episode I had so many desires and unrealistic goals.
I had just started my first fulltime job out of university which was very stressful and hard for me. At the same time, I wanted to be a famous rock star, so I was forming a band and practicing until 3am. And then going to work in the morning…
I wanted to buy a nice house to live in…but I didn’t have money.
I wanted to have a girlfriend.
I wanted to earn more money…
I wanted to be promoted just after I started work.
There were so many things going on in my mind that I was trying to grab. Too many things. I had huge expectations. I was so greedy.
All these desires created endless thoughts, spiraling me into a delusion.
It was coming from my habits and karma.
If I didn’t find this meditation, I don’t think I would be able to hold down a normal job. I would probably continue to experience episodes. I may have lost contact with close friends and I wouldn’t be able to form closer relationships with people. I wouldn’t be able to learn about myself or grow. I think I would have just got worse.
Thankyou Universe 💖
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