What are the top five best lessons you’ve learned from marriage?

Cerina Lim, studied Nursing

1. You should not carry any expectations.

If you have a lot of expectations, and the other person doesn’t meet those expectations, you will get angry. But if you don’t have those expectations in the first place, then there will be no disappointment either.

2. If you end a relationship because your feelings toward that person have changed, your new relationship will end the same as the old one. As long as your mind stays the same, you’ll always end up meeting the same kind of person, even if they look different or come from a different background. So, before you try to change that person, see if you need to change yourself first. In this way, you will be able to maintain a healthy marriage.

3. Realize that the other person might be wrong, but you are also wrong.

You could have different opinions and you could argue sometimes, but you should not dwell on those arguments. In the end, if both of you are wrong, the results will also be wrong. However, if you listen to the other person’s opinion and follow them instead of sticking to your own opinions, although the result still might not be great, at least the other person will know that you respected and followed their opinion. This way, you can win their heart. Once you have that, it’s easy to fix any bad outcomes.

4. This may not be the best advice, but I’d like to share it: I was a nurse at a dialysis unit, and there was an elderly woman who showed great affection toward me when I took care of her. In her eyes, I must have seemed young and inexperienced, because one day I told her I was getting married, and she called me over to sit with her. She lifted her finger as if to tell me to keep these next words in mind, and then she shared this advice with me: “If you ever have an argument with your husband, and you sleep with him before you’ve resolved it, he will go on to believe that the problem was resolved. Even if you still want to talk about it the next day, he’s not going to want to. So remember, always sort out your issues before having sex.” All the nurses in the dialysis unit burst into laughter. This comes from the difference in the way men and women think – I wanted to share it because it was a funny story that came from her own life experience.

5. You should never think that your spouse is your possession.

Something that I would view as a strength in another person may look like a flaw in my spouse if I have that mind. It is because we have an attachment for each other that we feel possessive – this is the same between parents and children as well.

For example, were you ever embarrassed because of the way your spouse behaved when you were with family, friends, or coworkers? If the answer is yes, then what if your spouse wasn’t your spouse, but your friend’s spouse? Would you still feel embarrassed? The answer would be no. If you don’t have a possessive mind towards someone, you won’t try to fit the other person into your standards, and then your anger will go away. You’ll be able to accept the other person as they are and feel comfortable with them. Your relationship will become liberating.

Both I and my partner came from the place of nothingness, and my partner was never mine. We are together now according to the circumstances, but we will go back to the place of the origin someday. I cannot change anyone in this world to fit my own mind, but I am grateful that there is a method to change my mind.

If you want to learn about the method to get along with your partner, please click here. Thank you!

Source: Quora (9) Cerina Lim’s answer to What are the top five best lessons you’ve learned from marriage? – Quora